Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Dear Tabby,
My landlord locks all the doors at night, and it’s preventing me from going outside. how can I rectify this egregious situation?

Aufrichtig,
Trapped in Tampa

ANZEIGE

Dear Trapped,
I can’t guarantee you it’ll work, but I’ve had some success mewling as loudly as possible and clawing at the drapes and blinds.

It seems to work best in the middle of the night, and it may require at least three uninterrupted hours of constant clawing.

Miau,
Tabby

ANZEIGE

Cats & Makeup Sweatshirt?

$ 42.

Jetzt einkaufen

***

Dear Tabby,
Sometimes my personal chef is late to work, and my breakfast isn’t ready when I need it. What’s the best way to let her know that her tardiness is completely unacceptable?

Aufrichtig,
More timely Tuna

Dear Timely,
I’ve had the same problem with my personal chef. I recommend extremely loud mewling, and if that doesn’t work, lots of intense, focussed staring.

Miau,
Tabby

***

Dear Tabby,
My assistant fails to understand that I own everything in the office. how can I politely inform her of her ridiculous oversight?

Aufrichtig,
All Mine

Dear Mine,
It’s important to right away claim anything that she appears to be even remotely interested in by draping your entire body across it. at times you may also bite and claw her if she attempts to retrieve an item in your possession.

This is an issue that a lot of cats face.

Miau,
Tabby

***

Dear Tabby,
I have a very confrontational relationship with one of my neighbors. Frankly, we both really can’t stand the sight of each other. how can I keep him the hell away from my property?

ANZEIGE

Aufrichtig,
Furious and Furry

Dear Furious,
One word: attack. Truthfully, some cats only respond to overwhelming force.

Miau,
Tabby